I had to sleep and now off to work so have been quiet and now only time for a few words: I am the Granny here so my perspective and experience goes through many years, sometimes feeling like I've experienced just about all there is to experience (I'm 58).
I also started M (I also have always hated that word) when I was young, maybe around 7 and had no idea what I was doing, innocent, felt good, but didn't know and had a concern that maybe I was hurting myself or something since I hadn't heard anything about it, didn't know the names or existence of any parts of my body except the outer,obvious ones....when I found out what it was around when I was 12, then I was taught that it was bad and I tried not to but couldn't stop and then felt guilty for years. Then, I fantasized that I would have a man to hold me, love me, etc. through my teens, met my first husband when I was 16, 17 in a few months and the "ride" began! We abstained from intercourse for the 3 years we dated but did everything else! And I went through tremendous guilt over it. Hormones are very high during those years and women have a tendency to have a little more of an idea of what makes sense in a complete picture of a life of love than men. I am not trying to stereo type here. I don't know why it is this way but it is very important for women to be sure they love themselves, pay attention, cherish themselves and then join with a man who does the same. My religious teachings at the time had strictly taught to wait until marriage for all sexual activity but I had constructed an internal belief system that said that while all sexual activity outside the marriage relationship was wrong, intercourse was the worst! So, even though I felt guilt for what we were doing, I could live with it. Our relationship was mostly about: let's go somewhere to eat, me complain about my strict Mom, while he listened and never complained about me or anything, have some fun (watch a movie, bowl or something)), then park somewhere before going home and "make out" until he has an orgasm. And I would go to bed and cry and ask God to forgive me and wish we were married so then we could do "it" and everything would be GREAT then, yes? That's the problem I saw in my face. Probably can't continue this story until this evening...sorry! Stay tuned. ♥
Masturbation to me is like going to McDonalds after I decided I want to eat live raw foods.
it all comes down to honoring yourself, and where you are at, wherever that is, and not making it wrong in any way but seeing it as part of the process of becoming YOU more fully...
awesome! thanks for sharing!
Peg, I know you have phsychic, intuitive abilities, please can I write you later about something?
"This is possible through a life of pure thought, word and deed at the mental plane, regular physical exercise at the physical plane and constant God meditation at the causal plane. All these three are important."
I love this discussion.. what I have found really really important is to understand and become an empowered master of one's life force energy - prana - chi- cosmic energy ...... to recognise that sexual energy or excitement is actually life force being felt in the body. like a healthy appetite its a sure sign that you are ALIVE and that you have energy!!
The missing link between usual wasteful sexual practices and where Anastasia is coming from , may be found in something I have written about many times before.. is the journey of experiencing the rising of sexual energy as Roxy's quote describes out of the sexual organs and permeating the whole body.. things become beyond orgasmic toward Ecstatic or Euphoric. (Ecstatic Dance is all about experiencing this) This is life force energy being felt in the whole body or whole aura and it has a different whole body quality. It is possible to cultivate the upward flow of sexual energy through a variety of pathways but the main two I can say I have experienced is conscious/yogic love making as described in detail by OSHO, or ecstatic dance. I have also felt it during birth - an other-worldly experience..
So, I guess what we are talking about is that we have this incredible life force and power within us and it has been misused, wasted, suppressed, misguided and shamed and yet it is the very stuff of life!
How we experience that life force in our body depends on our state of health, mind and emotions and the more we cleanse and heal our wounds and walk a conscious path living more naturally and close to nature we can have a greater sense of our own true nature is. I will offer that when one is living in a state of natural ecstasy, fully present to having a sensory experience as a feeling complex, like instinctual animals, we are alive with response and energy to our reality.I would say that Anastasia lives like this (obviously, living so close to nature) so of course the need to experience sexual energy would be a come down from feeling naturally euphoric with a deep feeling nature connection.. (why the environment responds to her heartbeat)..
sometime I have so much energy all I Can do is let out a big wahooo! some people when they begin to experience Euphoria in the body cant hold it and reach for something to tone the energy down. or when sexual energy builds up in a natural cycle, need to relieve it! so here we are talking really about whether we have phsycial bodies and states of mind that can actually handle the amount of euphoric power of our own life force. there is no limit to how much is available to us. but there is definitely a society in place that suppresses that life force in many many ways.
When we take responsibility for our divinely granted life energy and begin to practice yoga, pranic breathing, taoists methods etc, we start to cultivate our life force from sexual energy to cosmic energy which creates an acute awareness and sensitivity and active Euphoria. In a beautiful healthy environment this is such a wonder to experience, like being in a pristing waterfall, but being in a polluted physical or emotional environment makes being this sensitive very challenging.
So this is what we have to master in these times - exploring our natural , divinely given Euphoric states of being, whilst juggling the unhealthy, unnatural reality of the world around us and within us.
It starts with mindfulness of every action and seeing everything as sacred, radical self-care and massive non-judgment of self and other.. its a journey this EARTH WALK and things are far from perfect. be gentle, go slow, be forgiving of yourself and others as you explore the inner landscape of beingness.. and at least Anastasia gives us a shining example of how much energy and gifts become available to us when we live with this natural life force flowing freely and interacting with nature!
Brilliant Billa again! :-) You had some insights in your comment that are very meaningful to me and lend clarity to some of my thoughts about my experiences! Thank you so much for chiming in! I will comment more on these thoughts in my continuation of my story later this evening.
Hi everyone, I REALLY wasn't intending to create a cliffhanger...:-)....it's just the way events and commitments, especially in my current life-story can go. Would have to go without sleep to finish the story in the last few days. However, it looks as if I will be able to finish it this evening. I am sharing as it seems there can be some bits of tender in my story that could ignite some bright flames in yours (whoever is reading it!) We are all in some state of transition (I'm pretty sure!) and hearing that we're in this together, we're not the only ones, can strengthen, support and encourage us.
And now....for the rest of the story....
When I married and now could finally, legally, and morally (according to my culture) do "it", it was a major disappointment when I realized it was just something to do for pleasure and the pleasure wasn't even mine since there was so much ignorance and selfishness involved and it was all about my husband doing his thing and me pretending to like it. The relationship was based on us trying to act out parts and roles of what we thought we were supposed to do based on what we had observed in our parents and I plunged into the deepest depression since divorce was not an option in my belief system.
I know there are many who experienced similar stories in that time period which was also the hippie era when many of these ideas were being challenged. The hippies were actually in the minority, although their ideas and birth control pills were contributing to changes in thinking.
Finally, after carrying and birthing two children in the first 5 years of marriage, experiences that I cherished and that kept me sane and in contact with certain beauties of the wonder of life, I began to question ideas that I had passively accepted my whole life to this point, around 25 years old. I began the journey of thinking for myself which is something that Anastasia strongly advocates. Thinking with clarity, allowing those thoughts to emerge from a place of knowing ALL is what she advocates and I can't say that I always did that but began to do so at times.
I began by being totally honest and questioning my blind acceptance of God and the stories I had always been told. When I couldn't honestly "prove" any of it logically, I became an agnostic and decided to give up trying to prove it. And then so much of what I had based my values on crumbled. I still believed in kindness, love, honesty, truthfulness, respect but now could see that maybe sexual pleasure could be shared by anyone, questioning why this pleasure was any more special than any other, such as someone giving your back a good scratch.
I still believed that creating a child should be between two people who are there to give the child a beautiful start to life, supporting that child, etc. but I came to the conclusion that sexual pleasure could be had without creating a child and did not see anything negative about this. Looking back, and knowing what I know now, I was influenced by movies, TV, books, and pornography and the general culture of people I knew and observed. Just like everyone else. Physical appearance was extremely important and sexuality seemed to permeate everything. Clothing, hair, cars, dancing, all of life seemed to have some element of thoughts of sexuality.
So, I started out thinking for myself and then just fell into going along with what seemed so superior to me, so free-thinking, so inclusive, so loving: free love! How could that not be great? I even reasoned that all the problems of the world boiled down to sexual frustration and how horrible it was to have to hold back or repress sexuality. If only people could just relax and enjoy sexuality whenever they felt and not be jealous but instead share with one another!
Anastasia describes this beautifully when she talks about people trying all different positions, and then eventually trying another body, looking for pleasure, finding it for awhile but not lasting. All because of a purely physical body seeking pleasure approach. This could apply to anything pleasurable to the body.
My husband and I then experienced an often wonderful time of relaxing and sharing our bodies sexually with each other and with others, without jealousy but the experience was far from complete. After 12 years we divorced (I was now allowed to do so in my mind) because I saw that we were a relationship of pretty much two bodies interacting like robots and were doing very little creating. I wanted more, but didn't know how to get it.
Sexuality is far from all there is to life as Billa explained so beautifully. It is an energy that is far from just being pleasurable. It's about creating life and not just children.
I was then single for a few years and still thinking that sexual energy was to be shared with two consenting adults and that it was a loving thing to do. Make love, not war. After a few years, though, it wasn't making sense since so many of those with whom I shared wanted to dictate when, how, why, who, what I shared and I was into being free to decide for myself.
I did want someone to be close to, to share my everyday life with, including sexual pleasure and was attracted to someone I worked with who felt very good and comfortable to me to be with and he has been my husband now for 24 years.
We stepped into a life of work, rest, work, a little recreation here and there (notice that word: re-creation!) but mostly work, work, work, trying to survive, but not particularly thriving. We have been caught up as have most of the planet in what Anastasia describes as slaves in a system that seems like the right thing to do: Get educated, work, buy things, work, buy things, work, buy things---what a rut!
We had work we somewhat enjoyed, had things we somewhat enjoyed and actually have been involved with many creative outlets volunteering with organizations created to better life on this planet.
I've been involved with many people of all ages, family and friends, observing their experiences of "love", sex and seeing how it works....or not. 12 grandchildren later (ages 21 down to 4 months) and seeing how sexuality plays out in their lives and seeing that there has to be a better way!
About 14 years ago, I started to open up to the possibility of "God" and what that could mean, paying more attention, listening, and understanding so much of what I had only heard about when I was young, now having actual experiences of loving, spiritual energies. I understood so much about how we couldn't possibly use just our thinking, rational brain all by itself to live to our fullest potential. I was moving along in all this at a steady pace for about 11 years when Anastasia came into my life and triggered a tremendous leap in my consciousness. So many loose ends began to be tidied up.
Suddenly, I understood that this complex system of life we were collectively creating was truly ready to self-destruct and there were real, concrete answers and solutions. Our system of life includes economics, relationships, health, sexuality, education, religion, politics, and Anastasia covered them all. All the pieces of the puzzle of life. Pristine, pure became words imbedded in my mind from reading what she said and I have never been the same. I may have a hamburger at McDonalds once in a great while or the other "M" word, LOL! or join bodies like a robot but those moments are less appealing as time goes on and the pure life beckons!
Angel, Roxy, Billa, your words are precious, expressing much of what I've been coming to see in so many ways. Yes, this energy is so much about creating, again much more than creating babies, which is one use of the energy and we're not about guilt and shame even if we use it in a way that is not the most efficient or effective. When we discover a new and beautiful truth, we can then be full of joy to move upward in our spiral journey of life. Not bemoan the fact that we didn't know it sooner.
Whatever steps we need to take, so be it. "I had to be there, to get here". I am so delighted to be coming full circle to where I started in life, as a young teen, innocent, full of excitement for the coming future of life, believing in the goodness of it all. This site is truly a wonderful space of love to share and love, not even in person, with bodies, but full of love, nonetheless. Our bodies are not truly "us" anyway!
Thank you Tara, for reaching out to us. Thank you for seeing your beauty, respecting and loving yourself, seeing the need for you to be with your beloved, not willing to settle for anything less than pure love.
I used to think that life wasn't fair that men had more sexual hormones that drove them to be aggressive with their sexual energy and that women had less and had to "deal" with men, that they had to "be strong" and resist. I am now seeing something a little different. There is a fairness: Men have this energy to play their beautiful part of pursuing with a strong, playful, respectful energy and women with their energy of enjoying the fun of being pursued--when in true love it's a wonderful game or dance of life. Co-creating babies, families, homes, gardens, music, dancing, art, songs: what a happy dream!
It's the misunderstandings and misuse out of ignorance that distorts the differences into unfairness.
In the books, there are many stories of those who patiently, lovingly, joyfully, prepared themselves for their beloved by learning, practicing, nourishing their bodies, minds, souls knowing that either someone they knew in particular (whether that person knew of them or not) or someone they didn't yet know was also preparing themselves fully as a human with the highest potential, a match made in heaven. They demonstrated that they were fully confident in the plan of connecting with their divine soul mate.
I know this is true for all of us and deep down, we all know this is true.
Where am I now? Examining all aspects of my life, in transition, changing, evolving into the person I've always wanted to be, letting my truth out for myself and all to appreciate, sharing with all who want to co-create. Clearing my mind and life of clutter, listening to what is true. And I have had one experience of the most purest, intense orgasm of my life and it was totally in my mind, in a dream that was as real as I am here right now.
My husband is part of my life, and even my first husband is evolving still and we are still very good friends. I also have some friendships that are the most intimate, soul-baring, sweet and loving that I've ever experienced and it's only getting better. I feel like I'm on the ride of my life with all the most amazing changes ever to be seen swirling all around and my creative energies are flowing like never before!
What an amazing journey of learning and wisdom, and sounds like you are walking into a beautiful place full of happiness, excitement and love. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story Peg x
Thank you so much Peg for sharing your story. It was absolutely beautiful:-)
Let me add that to condense one's life story into a few paragraphs, when one is rather tired is a major feat. Please don't take it to be a complete picture. The purpose I had in mind was to share briefly just some of what I've experienced in the aspects of love and sex in my years. Knowing that most people are or have gone through some or many of these same experiences at some point or another. Wishing to add some light and clarity in answer to Tara's question.
I plan to make a reminder list utilizing what Billa said so I can remember what I want to focus on to enhance, strengthen and deepen my holy life experience! And then post it, carry a copy with me, whatever it takes to remind me!
:-) and ♥