Noah 2011

Early in the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah, 
who was now living in the United States , and said: 
Once again, the earth has become wicked and 
I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing 
along with a few good humans!
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to
build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40
days and 40 nights. 

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah 
weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?
Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed.

I needed a building permit. 
I've been arguing with the permit bureaucrat about the need for a
sprinkler system. 

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard
and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the
Development Appeal Board for a decision

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be
posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other
overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's
move to the sea. 
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they
would hear nothing of it. 

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on
cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.

I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the
wood to save the owls - but no go! 
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights
group sued me. 
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. 
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it
was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. 

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human
Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to
hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card
status of most of the people who want to work. 

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I
have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with
endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years
for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?' 
'No,' said the Lord.
'The government beat me to it.

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